i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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