I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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