I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
