I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
