it hurts more in the daytime
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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