i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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