I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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