When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
