i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
