Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
