i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
