I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
