I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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