she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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