my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
