You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
