hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
