so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
