So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
