so explain again why im purple
no
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
