i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize