A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize