the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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