He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
