your parents love me but you hate me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
