Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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