i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize