I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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