I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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