Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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