I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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