Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
