No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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