don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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