if you like me you must not know who I am
Porn is love you can see.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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