You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
