haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
