if you like me you must not know who I am
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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