piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
