dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
