I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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