sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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