You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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