dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
