I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
