His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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