oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
