Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
