I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
