I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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