Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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