Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
