In the future we'll all be gay
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
