he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
