Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
