I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's always time for handjobs
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
