I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
