Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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