You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize