He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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