The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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