im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
