I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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