she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
