he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
