She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
