is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
