Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
