just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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