yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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