I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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